Photo Credit: Flickr

(This post title makes me laugh…)

Remember my Hysterectomy post?

Well, here is a little update on that post…

I was scheduled to have a hysterectomy this month (August). I had a good long visit with my doctor after going back and forth and up and down and all over the place with my own thoughts on the whole surgery. Something with the whole idea of hysterectomy was not sitting well with me and I was restless and sleepless for a good couple of weeks.

I love my regular gynecologist here in St. George! He’s always been great but I haven’t seen him in over a year because I got switched over to my interfitlity doctor. Dr. L and I had a good long talk about everything, how I was feeling and his own thoughts and concerns. So here is the scoop.

Doctor L is concerned that if we were to do a hysterectomy there could always be complications, which could lead to him having to remove my ovaries. This would be a sad, sad day because I NEED my eggs to do this whole thing. He also expressed that I’m young and active and this would “take me out” for a good, long time. The risks out-weighed the benefits at the end of the day…

Instead of hysterectomy, I will undergo a couple of biopsies and then have a procedure down called the NovaSure ablation procedure. You can read about it right here at this link! It will help me to stop bleeding (FINALLY) and it’s less-invasive. The procedure, however, does take away any hope of ever getting pregnant on your own. Although this is something I already know about myself, it’s still a little tough putting that final nail in the coffin so-to-speak.

None-the-less, it’s time! I will have this procedure done in the next month (before I start back to school) so I will keep you all posted!

Side Note: One of the requirements for myself and my sister is that we have to get on the same cycle at the same time, using birth control pills. The problem is, birth control has not stopped my bleeding and I’ve been totally unable to get synced with my sister. This could be problematic as we begin the medical procedure to all this…this procedure could help as I would just need hormone injections to produce eggs. 

Enough about my uterus...sheesh!

Legally Confused

Image From: Flickr

It’s been far too long since I’ve updated everyone on how the puzzle campaign is going. That being said, I could list to you the millions of reasons, why but I won’t! Instead, I will fill you in piece by piece on how our journey is progressing. I had to break it into a few posts, because well…my OCD brain couldn’t handle it all in one.

As you may have guessed from my “oh-so-creative” post title, this one is about the legality of the whole thing (It’s actual more interesting than you would think…so keep reading…).

We are currently in the midst of legal stuff…lots, and lots, and lots, of legal STUFF! Our lawyer is wonderful and thank goodness because it’s an exhausting and confusing process!

In late July we met with him for this first time and instantly felt great about our decision to change lawyers (I won’t go into detail on this right now). We spent HOURS discussing all the protocol and legal things we were about to embark on! It was EXHAUSTING and our brains were FRIED after our meeting, Ambree and Lucas were there and were champs through the tedious, wordy mumble jumble. So here’s the scoop…

Our lawyer’s main job in this process is to draft a contract between myself, Lucas, Derek and Ambree (my sister and brother-in-law). We have been discussing this contract for months now because it is a MAJOR part of the process. The contract is a good thing to have to make sure all parties are taken care of and have their input.

It’s been an interesting process for sure. As parents, we have had to make some serious decisions about a child we don’t even have yet, probably much sooner than others may have to. We have to work through a lot of feelings on what lengths we will go to for our baby while at the same time making sure my sister is taken care of, safe, and is going to still be able to be a good mom to Gavin and Maycee while carrying our baby.

The contract is being written right now and should be completed in a week or two.

Now for the remainder of the legal stuff, my brain has had to process a lot so I hope this information is all accurate (this is my disclaimer that it may not be) but I’ll do my best.

Once we have a contract we will need to present it to a judge for approval. This is basically a “go ahead” to start the medical process. This will be a happy, glorious day for us that we are all looking forward to.

HOWEVER, because the state of Utah treats gestational carriers like adoption, we have to go through a very similar process. We are petitioning to get the home visit waved (because it’s about $1,000) extra. It’s normally waved in nearly all g.c. cases so we are crossing our fingers this will be same for us. We just submitted our fingerprints for FBI background checks and are collecting letters stating we will make good parents now!

Despite our frustration, and downright anger at times, that we have to go through all of this to have OUR OWN BABY, we are hanging in and doing what we need to do. HOWEVER, we have BIG plans down the road to push for many changes in this process. Some days the anger mounts, and mounts, and mounts but we move forward…

(I’m sure you will hear more ranting about this down the road, but this was my “nice way of saying it” for the time being.)

Our lawyer will also help with things once we have a live birth. As it stands today, when the baby is born, my sister and MY husband will be listed as the parents until we go to court for me to get custody of MY OWN baby. Yep, let that one sink in for a bit!

I think that was enough detail for the time being on the legal end of things. Again we love our lawyer and our very thankful he is working so hard on our case and taking as much stress off of us as he possibly can…what a relief!

Part of your World

Photo Credit: Pinimg

My husband and I went to see the Little Mermaid last night at a beautiful outdoor amphitheater here in Southern Utah called the Tuacahn Center for the Arts. The shows are AMAZING and if you’re ever in the area, YOU MUST GO! It’s an experience you won’t regret. You all know the story of the Little Mermaid, her journey to become human, to become part of world she longed to be a part of. She gives up her beautiful voice to the evil sea urchin Ursula, just to get legs. Because for her legs equate to reaching her ultimate dream---human hood. 

The story a rather simple one, if you look at it as is, but last night I couldn’t help but look at differently, from my life perspective, from my journey point of view…

A friend of mine wrote me today and it brought up a lot of thoughts for me on where I’m at right now on this crazy journey through infertility.

I hate to hear from people I love, and even strangers, that they have to go through infertility trials like me. That’s they long to be a mom or a dad so badly that they’d do nearly anything to make it happen. It’s something I wouldn’t wish I my worst enemy. But…

Man oh man have I been blessed through the whole process!

When I found out (very early one) that infertility would be a part of my journey, I had NO CLUE what I was about to face. At 12, I knew my chances of becoming a mom easily were slim, but I think it was planned for me to know so early on, to prepare myself for today! I don’t love being infertile, nor do I love the path all that much, but great things have come from it. There’s fare too many to name, but blessings galore how come to Lucas and I and our family. You get to see people’s love and compassion, their generosity, the worth an email, text or Facebook the message, or the selflessness of complete strangers and distant friends. The blessings, like I said, endless…

I have chosen to share my story, very publically, and because of that, I have received some criticism. Some question why in the world one would want to share such a personal journey, so publically. Some think that raising money to have a baby, is not something one should request donations for. So are beyond belief in why one wouldn’t keep this between there husband, and their self.

All of these reasons and understandable. For most, this journey through infertility is about as self-disclosing as anything can be. You see the worst in yourself, and even your marriage at times. It tears you down until you feel like nothing. It displays ever scar, tear and heartache on your physical body. It’s rough and exhausting and can even tear apart marriages and people!

Why would you want to share that?

It’s a great question which frankly, I don’t have the answer for. I have felt, strongly, that I needed to share my journey. I don’t know why. I don’t know how me sharing with help. But I do hold onto my faith (as tiny as it may some days) that God has a purpose for me in sharing my journey. Perhaps it’s selfishly for me, perhaps not…I write because I feel inspired to do so.

I choose to write, and I choose to move forward with my life while I wait to better myself and to hopefully, better me to be the best mom I can be to whomever may come into my life. That and that alone keeps me from going into despair. I have been told, “But look at all you have, and all you have accomplished, you don’t need to be a mom, you have it all!” I am SO proud of the accomplishments in my life, I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but there is more that I want, and I have yet to stop trying to get what I want, this situation is no different.

Ariel longs for something more, her signature song hit me last night listening to it, and sums up quite beautiful my thoughts…

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more…

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Faith and love keep me moving and striving to make myself better. I share my story for reasons unknown to me, but by faith I cling!