Make your Mess your Message

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Cupcake "mess"/fail. Check out more pintrosities here!

I watched an interview this morning with Robin Roberts that touched me. I have been feeling badly lately about posting too much about our infertility "stuff." I know many of you are a little tired of it, I can't really blame you. For me, it helps heal me, bit by bit. Maybe a strange place to seek healing? Yet, somehow it helps! Robin said something that her mom used to tell her, and it stuck with me, "Make your Mess your Message!" Her mess has been cancer, and like many of my family and friends, she's a fighter!

 I feel like a walking mess, 80% of the time these days, no make-up, not dressing up, barely making it out of the house, a kind of gloomy persona, I'm sad I let it affect me this way. However, I've been also trying to be okay with this fact, that maybe, for this brief moment in my life, I'm still okay. I'm thankful, to social media, that I have a place to "talk" because otherwise, I might crumble. So just for a bit longer, you'll have to deal with "my mess".

Thanks  for loving me, where I am and thanks for your love and support, always, and for making my mess your message!

Photo of Robin Roberts

Growths, Auctions and Thankgiving

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A quick update...

I went to the doctor for my ultrasound, the one I talked about having here. Great news, I'm "weird growth" free! My ovaries BOTH look great and are ready for baby makin'! I was thrilled to get this news and I thank you all for the prayers!

We are getting so close to our goal, we are looking at starting IVF treatments in FEBRUARY! Can you believe that!?! So soon! We found out this week that our medications are going to cost anyway from $2,000-$6,000! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! So that's a little crazy, right!?! UGH!

Anyway, we are also EXCITED to be having an auction next weekend, where 100% of the procedes will got to our baby fun! The auction will be  
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 29, starting at NOON (mountain time)! It will be so easy, you just have to go to our FACEBOOK PAGE HERE and like it and we will post all the AWESOME items there. There are spa baskets, art pieces, wreaths, holiday decor, home decor, treats, accessories and MORE! You won't want to miss this amazing handmade stuff for Christmas gifts! Please join us!

Lastly, I have felt so guilty lately about not being good about thanking people. I've fallen very short on sending out Thank You notes to everyone who has contributed to our campaign. I want to say this, Lucas and I cry regularly because we are so overwhelmed by your love and support. I want you to know, what you do for us means the world, and I'm so sorry I haven't been able to thank each of you individually. YOU are an enormous blessing to us and a light that we so desperately need some days! THANKS YOU!
Turkey Protesting Thanksgiving Cupcake! by Edible Delights, via Flickr
Eat cake not turkey cupcake.

Our Biggest News Yet...

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Candy corn cupcakes Don't like icing? Get Angel food cake mix, separate into two bowls. Make one orange and the other yellow with food coloring. Layer, bake and add just a little white icing!
Fall Cupcakes: Candy Corn

Just a few weeks ago, I had a routine ultrasound for a procedure I am suppose to have done in December. They had a hard time "finding" my left ovary. Here's a really "fun" ovary story for ya. (Guys, DON'T stop reading...there are better things to come, promise).
The conversation with the ultrasound tech went a little like this:
Tech: Do you have both ovaries?
Me: Uhm. Yes. Unless one fell out and I didn't realize.
Tech: Hmm. Well I can't find your left one. Oh wait...I see a tiny little bit of it.
Me: What????
Needless to say, my left ovary is not exactly where it is supposed to be and likes playing hard to get.
A few days later, I get a call directly from my doctor. She says to me:
Well, Deja, we found a large growth on your right ovary.
My heart sank. NOT MY ONE GOOD OVARY!
Sure, growths are pretty common, and amazingly, in all my issues down there, I've never had one. I asked her if she was concerned. She said not really, but that it did look a little "abnormal".
I hung up the phone in a little bit of shock. You see, I NEED MY OVARIES! I need them badly if there is any hope of me "conceiving" a child through IVF. I haven't, to this day, cried about it and I'm trying hard to just let it be. I scheduled an appointment for another ultrasound a month out, but the doctor called me back and said she'd actually like to see me sooner. That appointment is next week. Needless to say, I hope ovary L comes out of hiding, and ovary R is rid of all things abnormal. Again, did I mention, I NEED AT LEAST ONE GOOD OVARY!

Onto better things. MUCH better things...
We found out this morning, OUR SURROGACY AGREEMENT HAS BEEN APPROVED IN COURT!!! In a late night session yesterday, our contract was approved. NO home study. NO questions. Just a go! I cannot even tell you how excited I was this morning when I got this phone call! Our wonderful lawyer said, "I've never had a case get through the courts this fast, I'm in shock!" Lucas and I prayed, literally right after giving the go to submit our papers, that the court would move fast on our case. Prayers are answered! It brings tears to my eyes, for month we've been saying, "As soon as the legal stuff is done..." Well folks it's done!

What does this mean?

We are totally, 100% ready to start the medical process of this whole thing. Just as soon as we reach our financial goal (did I mention, we are SO close), we begin the medical process! We are beyond thrilled, it has been the BEST DAY EVER!!! Once the medical stuff starts, we are just 8 WEEKS away from implantation! Can you believe that???

We are in the process of moving to Salt Lake, to be closer to our surrogate (my awesome sister) and be closer to OUR baby. HOLY MOLY, our baby! It's so close to being a reality that I can't even focus!

We need just two things from you, our incredibly supportive friends and family:
1. PRAYER. Prayer that I will get good news next week, and my ovaries will be normal..
2. A final donation. If you can, please consider donating to our puzzle campaign, we are so close and every little bit could help. You can go donate by clicking here:

Our dream is so close to becoming our reality, because of all of you and your generocity.
We love each of you and thank you dearly for your love and support.

P.S. We will be holding a special online auction on Saturday November 29 where you can buy unique items, as Christmas gifts, and 100% of the proceeds will go to our baby fund. Stay tuned for details and email me at if you have something to donate. Thanks to all of you who have already donated!

Fall Update: Sign, Sealed, Delivered!

Monday, October 6, 2014

Yesterday was a BIG day...
We signed our official gestational carrier contract, all 22 pages of it!
Thanks to our sweet friend Torrie, the notary, for notarizing this sucker for us.
My sister laughed at me for taking picture, but any step closer to making this reality, is exciting to me!
Ambree signing it.

Derek signing it.

Lucas signing it.

Deja signing it.

Torrie notarizing it.

We hand-delivered the contract to our lawyer today, paid our court filing fee, and now we wait for a court date!

I couldn't stop smiling all the way home from Salt Lake. We are so excited!

And in case you haven't heard, we are getting insanely close to our goal; we are LESS than $5,000 away from our goal. If you have it in your heart, and/or wallet, to donate a puzzle piece we will hit our goal before Christmas, maybe even Thanksgiving.

Total raised as of October 6th: $15,070

You can follow our progress on our Go Fund Me Page:

Happy Fall to Everyone!

Lucas and Deja

Puzzle Piece Update: August 2014

Friday, August 22, 2014

Make tree for cupcake with chocolate licorice cut to 3", sliced to make thin branches, piped with melted chocolate chips, and sprinkled with candied sunflower seeds. Wait until set and stick  into cupcake. Cute!
Photo Credit: Woman's Day

After much anticipation, I know you guys are anxiously awaiting for me to publish the puzzle piece count! We have been over-whelmed with love and support since we launched this campaign in January. You guys are ridiculously awesome!

But one more thing first…
We started a Go Fund Me Page because I know some you are very familiar with the site and recommended we start one, so we did! We are launching it today and you can check out our page at: DON’T GO THERE YET, IT WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE!!!! This site will automatically update our total when you make a donation, so we encourage you to donate here! It's safe and secure, we did lots of research!

Okay, but seriously just one more thing…
You can always still make a PayPal donation at any time. It’s still up and running for you PayPal-ers out there!

Okay, one more thing…


Here! You! Go!

You guys are going to flip when you see how close we are getting...

 We now have...

700 puzzle pieces!

that means we have raised/saved...

Between your generosity and Lucas and I  saving like maniacs, we are so stinking close!!!
We are asking you today to please, please, please help us to get to our final goal, we are just $6,000 away!!! I know that seems like a lot to some but in January alone we raised over $3,000 so we can do this!

Even if you can donate just a tiny amount we would be enormously grateful! 
We are so excited at this point that we can hardly wait. Lucas has been coming to me with baby names and nursery ideas, it's adorable! We are so ready to add to our family and hope you can help us!

Even if you can't don't money, we can't tell you how much prayer, happy thoughts and kinds words of encouragement help through this enormous roller coaster ride!

Please also go check out our newly updated WALL OF FAME PAGE! You can also click right here to access that link!



I’m Keeping my Uterus!

Simple gingerbread face cookies - decorated with royal icing and sprinkles.  Cute!     by Bakerella, via Flickr
Photo Credit: Flickr

(This post title makes me laugh…)

Remember my Hysterectomy post?
Well, here is a little update on that post…

I was scheduled to have a hysterectomy this month (August). I had a good long visit with my doctor after going back and forth and up and down and all over the place with my own thoughts on the whole surgery. Something with the whole idea of hysterectomy was not sitting well with me and I was restless and sleepless for a good couple of weeks.

I love my regular gynecologist here in St. George! He’s always been great but I haven’t seen him in over a year because I got switched over to my interfitlity doctor. Dr. L and I had a good long talk about everything, how I was feeling and his own thoughts and concerns. So here is the scoop.

Doctor L is concerned that if we were to do a hysterectomy there could always be complications, which could lead to him having to remove my ovaries. This would be a sad, sad day because I NEED my eggs to do this whole thing. He also expressed that I’m young and active and this would “take me out” for a good, long time. The risks out-weighed the benefits at the end of the day…

Instead of hysterectomy, I will undergo a couple of biopsies and then have a procedure down called the NovaSure ablation procedure. You can read about it right here at this link! It will help me to stop bleeding (FINALLY) and it’s less-invasive. The procedure, however, does take away any hope of ever getting pregnant on your own. Although this is something I already know about myself, it’s still a little tough putting that final nail in the coffin so-to-speak.

None-the-less, it’s time! I will have this procedure done in the next month (before I start back to school) so I will keep you all posted!

Side Note: One of the requirements for myself and my sister is that we have to get on the same cycle at the same time, using birth control pills. The problem is, birth control has not stopped my bleeding and I’ve been totally unable to get synced with my sister. This could be problematic as we begin the medical procedure to all this…this procedure could help as I would just need hormone injections to produce eggs. 

Enough about my uterus...sheesh!

Legally Confused

Lawyer fondant toppers.  Need to make for Aaron's graduation party if he let's us have one!
Image From: Flickr

It’s been far too long since I’ve updated everyone on how the puzzle campaign is going. That being said, I could list to you the millions of reasons, why but I won’t! Instead, I will fill you in piece by piece on how our journey is progressing. I had to break it into a few posts, because well…my OCD brain couldn’t handle it all in one.

As you may have guessed from my “oh-so-creative” post title, this one is about the legality of the whole thing (It’s actual more interesting than you would think…so keep reading…).

We are currently in the midst of legal stuff…lots, and lots, and lots, of legal STUFF! Our lawyer is wonderful and thank goodness because it’s an exhausting and confusing process!

In late July we met with him for this first time and instantly felt great about our decision to change lawyers (I won’t go into detail on this right now). We spent HOURS discussing all the protocol and legal things we were about to embark on! It was EXHAUSTING and our brains were FRIED after our meeting, Ambree and Lucas were there and were champs through the tedious, wordy mumble jumble. So here’s the scoop…

Our lawyer’s main job in this process is to draft a contract between myself, Lucas, Derek and Ambree (my sister and brother-in-law). We have been discussing this contract for months now because it is a MAJOR part of the process. The contract is a good thing to have to make sure all parties are taken care of and have their input.

It’s been an interesting process for sure. As parents, we have had to make some serious decisions about a child we don’t even have yet, probably much sooner than others may have to. We have to work through a lot of feelings on what lengths we will go to for our baby while at the same time making sure my sister is taken care of, safe, and is going to still be able to be a good mom to Gavin and Maycee while carrying our baby.

The contract is being written right now and should be completed in a week or two.

Now for the remainder of the legal stuff, my brain has had to process a lot so I hope this information is all accurate (this is my disclaimer that it may not be) but I’ll do my best.

Once we have a contract we will need to present it to a judge for approval. This is basically a “go ahead” to start the medical process. This will be a happy, glorious day for us that we are all looking forward to.

HOWEVER, because the state of Utah treats gestational carriers like adoption, we have to go through a very similar process. We are petitioning to get the home visit waved (because it’s about $1,000) extra. It’s normally waved in nearly all g.c. cases so we are crossing our fingers this will be same for us. We just submitted our fingerprints for FBI background checks and are collecting letters stating we will make good parents now!

Despite our frustration, and downright anger at times, that we have to go through all of this to have OUR OWN BABY, we are hanging in and doing what we need to do. HOWEVER, we have BIG plans down the road to push for many changes in this process. Some days the anger mounts, and mounts, and mounts but we move forward…

(I’m sure you will hear more ranting about this down the road, but this was my “nice way of saying it” for the time being.)

Our lawyer will also help with things once we have a live birth. As it stands today, when the baby is born, my sister and MY husband will be listed as the parents until we go to court for me to get custody of MY OWN baby. Yep, let that one sink in for a bit!

I think that was enough detail for the time being on the legal end of things. Again we love our lawyer and our very thankful he is working so hard on our case and taking as much stress off of us as he possibly can…what a relief!