Part of your World

Photo Credit: Pinimg

My husband and I went to see the Little Mermaid last night at a beautiful outdoor amphitheater here in Southern Utah called the Tuacahn Center for the Arts. The shows are AMAZING and if you’re ever in the area, YOU MUST GO! It’s an experience you won’t regret. You all know the story of the Little Mermaid, her journey to become human, to become part of world she longed to be a part of. She gives up her beautiful voice to the evil sea urchin Ursula, just to get legs. Because for her legs equate to reaching her ultimate dream---human hood. 

The story a rather simple one, if you look at it as is, but last night I couldn’t help but look at differently, from my life perspective, from my journey point of view…

A friend of mine wrote me today and it brought up a lot of thoughts for me on where I’m at right now on this crazy journey through infertility.

I hate to hear from people I love, and even strangers, that they have to go through infertility trials like me. That’s they long to be a mom or a dad so badly that they’d do nearly anything to make it happen. It’s something I wouldn’t wish I my worst enemy. But…

Man oh man have I been blessed through the whole process!

When I found out (very early one) that infertility would be a part of my journey, I had NO CLUE what I was about to face. At 12, I knew my chances of becoming a mom easily were slim, but I think it was planned for me to know so early on, to prepare myself for today! I don’t love being infertile, nor do I love the path all that much, but great things have come from it. There’s fare too many to name, but blessings galore how come to Lucas and I and our family. You get to see people’s love and compassion, their generosity, the worth an email, text or Facebook the message, or the selflessness of complete strangers and distant friends. The blessings, like I said, endless…

I have chosen to share my story, very publically, and because of that, I have received some criticism. Some question why in the world one would want to share such a personal journey, so publically. Some think that raising money to have a baby, is not something one should request donations for. So are beyond belief in why one wouldn’t keep this between there husband, and their self.

All of these reasons and understandable. For most, this journey through infertility is about as self-disclosing as anything can be. You see the worst in yourself, and even your marriage at times. It tears you down until you feel like nothing. It displays ever scar, tear and heartache on your physical body. It’s rough and exhausting and can even tear apart marriages and people!

Why would you want to share that?

It’s a great question which frankly, I don’t have the answer for. I have felt, strongly, that I needed to share my journey. I don’t know why. I don’t know how me sharing with help. But I do hold onto my faith (as tiny as it may some days) that God has a purpose for me in sharing my journey. Perhaps it’s selfishly for me, perhaps not…I write because I feel inspired to do so.

I choose to write, and I choose to move forward with my life while I wait to better myself and to hopefully, better me to be the best mom I can be to whomever may come into my life. That and that alone keeps me from going into despair. I have been told, “But look at all you have, and all you have accomplished, you don’t need to be a mom, you have it all!” I am SO proud of the accomplishments in my life, I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but there is more that I want, and I have yet to stop trying to get what I want, this situation is no different.

Ariel longs for something more, her signature song hit me last night listening to it, and sums up quite beautiful my thoughts…

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more…

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Faith and love keep me moving and striving to make myself better. I share my story for reasons unknown to me, but by faith I cling!