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| "Kindness has a beautiful way of reaching down into a weary heart and making it shine like the rising sun." |
I laid down this afternoon after returning from work, just
simply not feeling well.
There are times in my infertility journey I feel scared
(what if this doesn’t work?), alone (does anyone understand my exact
situation?), angry (why does it have to be this way?), impatient (when is it my
turn?)…the list goes on. I feel sorry for myself, is really what it all comes
down to.
I fell asleep, and as God often does, he answered all of
these questions I’ve had in my heart through a dream…
Lucas and I decided to hold a small garage sale at my mom’s
dance studio. We had maybe 20 items, not much. A woman showed up at the studio
and asked us if we would like to look at a few things she brought that WE might
be able to sell. We said sure. The next thing we knew we turned around and
there were rooms and rooms, and rows and rows full of beautiful things!
Stunning rugs, sparkling decorations, jewelry, the most stunning quilts,
everything glittering! Lucas and I were stunned as we walked around and admired
all the beautiful things.
Suddenly, the place was full, I mean people everywhere! They
were filling bags and baskets, carts and armfuls of these beautiful things.
Suddenly I felt out of control, I couldn’t keep track of everyone. There were
no prices on anything. I couldn’t find Lucas. I couldn’t find the register. It
was chaos, but I kept getting distracted by all the beautiful things.
Everything was glittery, stunning and in perfect condition! I was so
over-whelmed and amazed. It seemed like hundreds of people came in and out, all
with armfuls of stuff. I wondered if, how and where they were paying for the
stuff!?
Soon it was time to end the “garage sale” and nearly
everything was gone (p.s. I had a few things in my arms—girl’s gotta shop I
guess). I finally found Lucas and told him my concerns: How will I know who
paid? How much did people pay? What if they just left with the stuff? (I even
worry immensely in my dreams-yikes). He just stared at me (again, very
realistic of real life). Suddenly, the same woman who brought all the beautiful
stuff walked up and handed me a small wooden, etched box…
In it was MONEY, so much money. Tiny notes (that I couldn’t
read). Little cards. Money folded around postcards. MONEY! I sat on the floor
of the dance studio, still surrounding the chaos that just ensued at looked
through the box. I didn’t count the money just thumbed through the piles. I
just couldn’t believe something so amazing just happened to us!
Later in my dream I sat staring at an ultrasound screen,
just waiting to hear a heartbeat…
I have lots of crazy dreams. Over the years I’ve had many,
many remarkable dreams that have truly shaped my life. They have left me
feeling strong emotions and have stuck with me through life—I believe this one
will be with me forever.
I get donations, emails, little notes, cards in the mail,
comments on social media, letters, postcards, anonymous donations, phone calls,
texts, personal words, ideas for fundraisers…nearly every single day since we
started this campaign. My heart just over-flows most days with the love,
support and energy we get from friends, family, and total strangers.
My heart aches because I know I have not thanked each of you
enough! I get a knot in my stomach knowing I haven’t sent out thank you cards,
or even thanked each of you personally. I want to do that, I want to, somehow,
thank each of you for all you’ve done for us, and don’t feel adequate in doing
that. What am I really supposed to write? Thanks for helping us get the single
most important gifts of our entire lives! Maybe, but yet that’s not enough.
I want you all to know, that no matter what happens, what
the outcome may be. You have shown my family the most sincere, honest, hopeful,
loving gift! You have opened my eyes to all I have to be thankful for. I have
felt your love and prayers, more times than you’ll ever know. You have restored
my hope in humanity, when the news tells me the world is bad and messed up, I
smile because I don’t believe it anymore. You have given my family and I more
smiles and joys than you could know. You have healed my broken heart.
Many of you have little money, and give what you have. Some
of you have given me a donation automatically EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. Some of you
have given us a portion of each paycheck. Some of you have given us your
well-earned saved money, some have given me the left over souvenir money you
had from a trip, some of you are barely making it and have given to us…even
more than once. Those of you with the least money, have given so often. Some of
you have dug deep in your pockets to help us. You’re generosity has not gone
un-noticed—we have seen it and felt it.
That little wooden box, filled with love and support, is something
I look at often, and I cry. I also smile. I am continually amazed at your
out-pouring of love, support and generosity. No matter the outcome of this
journey, I know we are loved and cherished and for that, for that I am forever
blessed!
All those beautiful things in my dream…they were you! They were
you shining and sharing your beauty with us. Without question, without second
guessing, without hesitation…you have mended our broken, beat-up, tattered,
hopeless hearts.
Thank You!
XoXo,
Deja
P.S. So sorry for not editing this, just wanted to get it
posted.
