A Surrogates Perspective

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The past 7 weeks have been the craziest,  happiest,  scariest,  and most rewarding weeks of my life. When we went to our care plan meeting the first week of February I left feeling more scared then I ever have in my entire life. The amount of shots I would be doing the next 8 weeks where far more then I ever expected ( BTW I am a major whimp when it comes to needles ). 

My 1st day of injections I felt this enormous amount of fear lifted off my chest ( I know that was my dad's doing ). My injections have been a little painful and my bum has became a pin cushion, but I feel I have handled them much better then expected. 

Emotionally I have struggled a little. I have kept my emotions pretty private mainly because I can't even imagine Deja and Lucas' emotional roller-coaster they have had to ride through this journey.  

Transfer day was the hardest day since this journey began.  It was our 1st heartache as a family in the journey.  Hearing all but 2 of the embryos had fallen apart was heartbreaking,  but seeing the pure disappointment in my sisters face absolutely broke my heart. When Derek and I had our moment to discuss things we had no doubt in our mind we need to implant both embryos to better the odds for Deja, Lucas,  and our entire family. 

The past 10 days have been SO scary. I have felt so much faith for the most part, but have also had my few minutes of doubt.  My favorite part of the past 10 days though have been the amazing amount of support I have received.  I couldn't have done my end of the deal this far without all of you.  My eyes have been opened once again how truly blessed our family is. 

Tomorrow....... well I don't really know how to put into words how I'm feeling,  but I do know I have prayed, pleaded, and begged God for a positive day for us all tomorrow,  but most of all for a tiny miracle for Deja and Lucas. 

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