The Easy Part

I have wanted to write this post for some time now, and today seems like the perfect day. Today is Cinco de Mayo, but it’s also my favorite human’s birthday.

Lucas and I met almost 8 years ago on our first day of graduate school. For him it was love at first sight, he said he knew he would marry me as soon as he saw me. I was just freshly coming out of a divorce and was beyond okay with being single, in fact I preferred it. Lucas was persistent though and kept offering me a ride home after class in which I continuously rejected. One night after class, my “best friends” refused to give ma a ride home and “made” me get a ride with Lucas. I’m so glad they did.

Just months after meeting, Lucas was deployed to Iraq for a year. I had no clue what I was getting into when I chose to love an Army man, especially one who was being deployed. I struggled immensely through his deployment and we grew apart during that time. I had no idea what to do, I struggled to understand my feelings, I had no military support system, and because of this we grew apart, we never stopped loving each other, but we grew apart. The days nearing the end of his deployment and his return still break my heart to think about. He was broken, I was broken and we couldn’t each piece ourselves together enough to make it work. We both spent time tackling our own demons and eventually we came back together, each of us stronger and better prepared for each other. That time was one of the darkest of our lives but when it was over, the light was brighter and stronger. I have grown to love this Army man beyond anything I knew I was capable of.

Lucas and I have actually had a very easy marriage. We’ve been through career changes, PTSD, graduate school, failed infertility treatments, illness and much more but it has actually been pretty easy. Being married to Lucas isn’t hard; he makes it easy and even enjoyable. Even in our darkest hours, especially through infertility, our marriage has never been in trouble. We have grown to love each other in a way that I don’t think either of us thought would be possible. Life has been hard, but our marriage hasn’t been. I find it so easy to love Lucas.

Lucas has been everything I’ve needed through our infertility journey. He is always there for me when I need it, even though he doesn’t always know how to help me. He has been a listener, a punching bag, a rock, a comforter, a human tissue box, a constant companion, and a patient, patient man. If there is anything than can test the strength of a marriage, it’s infertility. The pain that comes with infertility is excruciating at times and unbearable, this can cause a great strain to a marriage. When you have to face one of the most surreal heartaches life can bring, it can break a strong marriage. Infertility can indeed break a marriage, but it can also increase its strength.

Through all the heartache, pain and loss, one thing has been constant, Lucas. He reassures me daily of how much he loves me, of how I’m his favorite part of every day, of how beautiful I am; of how strong I am…he’s my constant. Infertility is hard, but with the right partner, it’s a little less hard.

Happy Birthday Lucas!