Today, wow, today..,was a truly incredible day--beyond anything we could have ever imagined. The outpouring of love for Lucas and I was more than we could have ever hoped for! When we first walked in the door to the dance studio, we were STUNNED! 

 

Thank you to ALL the incredible vendors (who I will mention on this blog soon) who came out and donated some of their procedes to our Campaign. We loved getting to meet each of you and could never express how much your generocity means to us!

To the people who made all this happen, who put in hours and hours of planning and work, we are over-whelmed with gratitute and love for each of you. I am not much of a crier, and I sometimes don't show my emotions on the outside, but your kindness has brought tears to my eyes and has over-flowed my heart.

Special thank you to Torrie Allred, Shonna Clift, Diane Powell & Ambree Powell who planned and carried that whole thing FLAWLESSLY! 

IT TRULY WAS AN INCREDIBLE DAY!

Honestly, the money we received froom this event pales in comparision to the outpouring of love we felt today. Some from total strangers, some old friends from high school and college, some from life-long friends, some from our dance biz family and some from our incredibly loving family! This feeling of how much we are loved is truly, remarkable.

But because so many of you are excited to know, we raised

$2,500 today!

Pretty incredible, right!?! 

Thank you to everyone who made this day so incredible and all those that sent wishes from afar that they could be there!

Lucas and I feel so grateful and so loved and this will always be a day that holds a special place in our heart!

With Love,

Deja & Lucas

The Legalities of Love

Photo credit: Icon Square

Just got off the phone with our lawyer! I really like her and think she is a good fit for us; she is as excited (okay, not as) as I am. Here is what the legal process entells and the expenses that go with it.

Legal Contract: $1,000
This is what Ambree and Derek and Lucas and I will put together going through every detail of the process and discussing every cenerio imaginable. This should be an interesting process, I will update you when we actually see what all this entails. No matter who you use as a carrier, this is a required step of the process (understandably).

Court Filing Fees: $360
This is self-explanatory, you have to pay to file the paperwork and appear before a judge. 

Parenting Process: $2,500
This comes after our carrier is pregnant and involves the process of making Lucas and I the parents and whatnot. Now, I'm not 100 percent sure what this all involves but comes after we have a bun in the oven.

So all in all we are looking at almost $4,000 just in legal fees. Yikes, it seems like a lot! But I know it will be worth it in the end. The legal part is, by far, not the part I'm most excited about as it all seems a bit confusing but I told you I'd share it all with you, so even the boring stuff! :)

Legal Love,

Dej

January Update!

Photo Credit: Flickr

I can hardly believe the first month of the puzzle campaign is over! We are so thankful for everyone who has donated. We have a great start on our puzzle and are getting more and more excited everyday.

I seriously get emotional going through this list, we are beyond blessed!

Here are the FIRST additions to our

Puzzle Wall of Fame

*Means donation of $100 or more.

** Means donation of $200 or more.

Ashlea Banks

Kirstin Lassig

Scott & Charlyn Dansie

Krystal & Eric Guillory

Lindsey Gates

Whitney Martinez

Kelsi Jones

*Dustin, Amber, Cheyenne, Ashtyn, Sierra & Stetson Marino

Holly Miller

Cheralyn Creer

Cari Carter

Casey Robertson

Gabe Cazares

Brandis Smith

Sweet Stickem's Custom Vinyl     

Katherine Athey

Howard Lowe

Shauna Coleman

Richard & Emily Gibbs

Kassandra Lee

**Sarah Durbin

Samantha Ward

Analynn Berry

**Al Hall

Dezman Jackson

Tai Tomasi

Jennifer Woolhiser

Matt Stewart

Matt, Nikki & Caitlyn Smith

Penny Duffy

James Orgill

Vicki Inman

Tina Curtis

Kenna Arcury

Robert Olsen

Leesa Wallace

Kathie Gwilliam

Cindi Eskew

Michael Harvey

Caroline Jacketta

Paige Kibinski

Laura Bostick

Lindsay Adair

Juliann Orth

Brennan & Katie Powell

*Dance Biz

Hai Van, Youme, Song & Tao Nguyen-Ly

Jill Flygare

Julia Taylor

Trae Wisecarver

Elizabeth Graves

Cindy & Mike Marino

Karen & Mikayla Nelson

Donna Young

*Cherrie Raetz

Dave & Elaine Powell

Lindsi Gerstenslager

Margee Pavithran

Tiffany Taylor

Shawn & Heather Powell

Kylie Powell

Tai Tomasi

Jennifer Woolhiser

Charie Mears

Kerri Kosten

Matt Stewart

Jennica Wood

*Diane Powell

Alicia Brenson

Amber Holladay

Andrew & Alana Calhoun

Angela Keddington

Hetty Gower

Grace Pires

Tara & Tyler Briggs

**Kayleen, Chad, Cooper, Kennedy & Davis England

*Dr. & Tammy Tubre

*Karl Smith & Family

Jerry & Meralyn Whittle

Jennifer & Daniel Kennedy-Ashman

Conchita Hernandez

Alex Castillo

Amy, Chris & Lauren Mickey

TOTAL # PUZZLE PIECES:  158

(If you are not on this lest, and should be, please let me know! Please, please, please. I do not want to forget anyone and while I've tried hard to keep track, I have probably missed a few). 

It was kind of a big deal...

Photo Credit: Better Homes and Gardens

January 22, 2014, Appointment with Dr. Foulk in Pleasant Grove. Ambree's physical exam and doctor consultation.

Holy cow you guys, yesterday was INCREDIBLE.

My infertility doctor is so great, Lucas and I have had a wonderful experience with him thus far. HOWEVER, we had never talked to him directly about our plans to use a gestational carrier so were a little weary of how he would react.  We have talked to others in his office, but not him. At our last meeting at his office, his advisor warned us that he would try to talk me into giving IVF a try on my own first. This worried me because I just KNOW, in my heart, that THIS (using a carrier) is what we are supposed to do.

Needless to say I was very nervous for our appointment yesterday. I hoped I could stand my ground but it's a pretty emotional subject so I was worried I'd just fall apart in his office.

Yesterday was FANTASTIC! Dr. Foulk is so great. He sat down and let us talk right off the bat, he listened to our worries, concerns, excitement, anxiety...all of it. And the absolute best part...HE'S TOTALLY ON BOARD!! He didn't question my decision for a second, was so great with Ambree and was thorough, honest and encouraging. I have NO doubt at all that he was guided yesterday by a higher power. When he walked into the room, all my anxiety just left, it was incredible! I haven't even said this out loud to anyone yet but I felt like that office was full of people, it was strange. I have a feeling we had a lot of cheerleaders from the other side there at this appointment with us. We prayed so hard before we left for Salt Lake, and I know many of you did as well; those prayers were heard and answered in a BIG way.

I am more excited than ever and can't wait to start this journey. This is the checklist we currently our working on:

1. Get Ambree cleared to be a carrier. CHECK!
2. Find a lawyer and set up our contract.
3. Get all our psych evals done. (Yep, Lucas, me, Ambree & Derek all have to pass pscyh exams before we get the go-ahead).
4. Get on same birth control. CHECK!
5. SAVE UP $20,000!
6. Get Ambree's water ultrasound done.
7. Start therapy sessions together (we have to do counseling together befor embryo transplant).
8. Begin the process of hormone injections (for both Ambree and I).
9. Perform the egg extraction (Deja).
10. Make embryo's.
11. Transfer the winning/best embryo.
12. Embryo attaches and WE'RE PREGNANT (ideally).

I get goose bumps just writing this. I am giddy with excitement.

NOW, please pray for PATIENCE for me. Waiting for the funding is going to be hard cause I'm just so anxious to get moving on making a Lucas & Deja baby!

THANK YOU all for your continual love and support. We love you all and are eternally grateful for your love and charity!

A Sparkly New Blog

Photo credit: PimImg

Welcome to the new blog!

A great big thank you to my sweet, wonderful friend Pepper who designed our beautiful blog.

In thinking of what to title the blog, I got lots of great, fun, awesome ideas but this one hit me as being perfect for us! If you don't know me, I'm a bit of a choco-holic (a bit may be under-exaggerating slightly). I once wanted chocolate so badly, after searching my whole house I found an old M&M behind our TV, wiped it off and ate it.

Thank you to each of you who have already joined our puzzle campagin, we feel so lucky! If you still want to join check out the campaign page on this blog.

We hope you will enjoy going on this journey with us, we're taking you through it all, so put your seatbelt on, hold on tight cause here we go!

{heart},
Deja

Chocolate Bar the says Thank You in Braille

Maybe...

Re-published from Slate and Stylish: 1/17/14

DISCLAIMER: I will soon have an infertility blog so you won't have to read about it anymore here, promise.

But tonight I needed to write. Just write about how I am feeling. My goal in sharing my story (with whomever may be reading) is to give a very real portrayal of this journey.
The last few days I have been a mess. I mean not-wanting-to-get-out-of-bed, cry myself to sleep, behind on school work, house is a disaster, not wanting to eat, turning down chocolate cupcakes kind of mess.
I have been trying to figure out why I have been feeling this way. Why, just a few days ago I was so excited and full of hope and now I feel pain, physical, mental, spiritual pain. I've tried to "force" myself out of it by crafting, resting, getting out, exercising, listening to up-lifting music, praying, reading other blogs...
But all I do is cry and cry and cry....
I don't write this so you will feel sorry for me, I know I'm not the only one going through tough times right now. I write this in hopes it will help me figure out why I'm grieving right now.
Maybe...
I'm crying because I am realizing how REAL all this is, that now I'm no longer the one reading the infertility blogs, but I'm writing them?
Maybe...
I'm crying because I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant! Yep, I want the morning sickness, the moodiness, the cravings, the big boobs, the cute maternity clothes, the "Aw, how far along are you?" the gushing over my belly?
Maybe...
I'm crying because I'm doubting my decision to not try to carry OUR baby first? Perhaps this "strong impression/gut feeling/instinct" that my body just can't handle it after years of problems is WRONG?
Maybe...
I'm crying because I'm selfish and I want this whole thing to be JUST about Lucas and I? After all, it's one of the few times in our lives it CAN be all about us! Maybe its selfish-ness?
Maybe...
I'm crying because I'm afraid that none of this will work and I'll never know what it's like to be a mom?
Maybe...
I'm crying because I can't just call my husband anytime I want and cry with him, or steal a hug for him or have him hold me at night or comfort me with his optimism.
Maybe...
I'm crying because I wish I were more optimistic.
Maybe...
I'm crying because infertility is just simply hard and scary and exciting and isolating and over-whelming all wrapped up together.
I don't know much right now, my brain is a little like mush.
My heart on the other hand... my heart knows that I have SO many people who love and care about Lucas and I; enough to invest money, spend time planning fundraisers, taking time to send kind messages in cards, letters, texts and emails, sending up prayers, offering their baby ovens, and simply exuding love for US!
Maybe...
I'm crying because this is going to be the journey of our lives...

Caption: I've made a decision to photo document our journey, all of it. Meaning the not-so-flattering pictures too. I may not share all of these on the blog but believe-it-or-not, it helps me through the process.

The Tiny Army Hat

Have you ever just known you were on the verge of breaking down (into tears, screaming, yelling, whatever it may be...); walking around feeling like a ticking time bomb? I have felt this ticking for a few days, just not knowing what or when I was going to finally break but knowing I would have to eventually.

It's like those tubes of cinnamon rolls where you peel the paper away and wait for it to pop out of the cardboard. No matter how much you mentally prepare yourself for the "pop" you jump EVERY SINGLE TIME. I knew my emotional breakdown was coming...

Of all places in the entire universe it happened in a Spencer's gift store...
when I found this teeny, tiny Army beanie hat for a newborn baby. The second I touched it and looked at it, I broke; I fell into tears right there in Spencer's gifts (how convenient). Luckily my mom and my dear friend visiting from Mississippi were with me and they just let me cry...let me walk to the back of the dark store and cry alone for a minute.

Maybe it's the anticipation of the new year and the new campaign to make this our year for baby. Maybe it's just the holidays. Maybe its the fact that everything feels more real than ever before. Maybe it's the generosity of others who have already reached out to us. Whatever it is, everything has built up inside me and it felt so good to cry...so good (even if it was at the mall).

I want to share our journey this year, every piece of it, because maybe it will help someone else someday and maybe it will serve as a way for me to remember this journey. This is the craziest roller coaster ride of our lives and every emotion possible comes to the surface.

I'm glad I cried today, really, really glad. And I'm also glad that just two minutes later the three of us were laughing so hard we could hardly stand up. I'm just going to take it all in, every crazy up and down...all of it!